Brooke (littertraining) wrote,
Brooke
littertraining

Here I go again on my own

Wow, it's been a while. And I'm still up to those same shenanigans and goings on. Like for instance, I wanted to get a hold of Aaron tonight, so I called him 50 badgillian times and then proceeded to go over to his house and yell in his window (since he started locking the doors, he's just getting to smart for me) I started calling him around 11:00, a decent hour, he should still be awake, and if he isn't, Rachel would be up. But then I stayed at his house until 2:00am, most psychotic of me, but it's in my crazy genes, I can't help it. He never woke up, if he was ever at home at all. His cars were there and so was Rachels- I figured one of them would wake up. Then I thought about how Aaron said he was going to pick up his motorcycle, and then I thought that it killed them while they were out riding. I kept getting myself wound up. So finally, I went to my house, got the scotch and am now in the process of getting drunk, (thus the reason why I'm ranting on the computer).
On top of that I feel like a pile of shit because I had any contact with JW, piece of shit he is. I wish I had never met him, he just doesn't go away. (that's probably what Aaron's saying about me) I wonder if Aaron was home and he just didn't want to deal with me. Wow, that would really suck, even though I did set myself up for it. But not really, he was the one that slept with me last night. OK, so it takes two to tango, but still he knew that I was probably going to feel like shit the next day, he could at least try to talk to me.
So I went to Michael's, my place of employment, to take Jay out for dinner for his 28th birthday because I was feeling nice, and kind of obligated. Anyway, we took Elijah and the whole time he was annoying the shit out of me, while Jay was just on morphine and hardly spoke. I felt so stupid, we made them have our dinner in to go boxes and we left. I felt like a moron and never want to see him in my entire life. I don't want anything to do with him. He's a creepy old man. I need another shot. Ewww, my palate is not used to scotch. Not too fond of the taste.
Sara and I were talking today, and she wants to leave Jonah- still. I'm just trying so hard to get her out of that house so she can go to school and make something of herself. She's thinking about moving in with her parents. I hope she does, she needs a huge boost. It's kind of making me excited though, I told Sara that I thought that she and Jonah wouldn't be together right now if they hadn't lived with each other.
I am so totally and completely in love with Aaron. Why the fuck can't I get over him? Grrrrr!!! Does he just have to be that asshole that I want to be with until he kills me? I think that's the only way, if he kills me I'll get over him. Or maybe if I kill him, I'll get over him. Can't be in love with a dead guy, right?
I just called Sarah Hirsch, that was embarrasing, I'm getting a little drunk right now. Holy shit. What a life I live, I'm such a poor pathetic loser, I should just do myself in right now.
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