The night was going great, I didn't see Aaron at all and we talked only briefly on the phone- he said he had stuff to do and whatever. But when I was driving Caleb home, I saw him walking with two girls down by Scott's Street. I honked and he talked to us for a bit. He introduced us to these girls that he apparently just met, I was introduced as Brooke. Ok, so I know that's my name and everything but it sounded like I was so insignificant to him. We wouldn't want these girls to think that Aaron wasn't single now would we? Why does this bother me?? I'm making him too much a part of me. I'm really not ready for a relationship. I think I'm just going to pretend that I'm not in one- I'm not going to flirt or be with other guys, I'm just not going to let Aaron matter to me because I really don't want to end it, I think I have a lot to learn from it. I just need Aaron to not be a big part of my life, and I need to not hang out with him, or even see him everyday. Maybe it'll all work out. I hope it does before I go crazy and shave my head or something.
I'm very awake right now, I feel like I should be out doing stuff still. I think I'll watch that movie, and play some bass. Maybe I'll take a little ephidrine- hell why not, I don't have to work tomorrow! I didn't smoke at all yesterday or the day before, but tonight I shared a cigarette with Mike after I saw Aaron. God, I hate that I can't take control of my emotions better! I mean, I get jealous, or mad for stupid reasons, and I know they're stupid, but I still can't control the way that I feel! It pisses me off! Yesterday I got really upset over the stupidest things. Aaron and I went to Dan's house and watched a movie- and this is a reason why I know that it's me that has the problem, I was getting pissed off at Dan too, always arguing, I felt like everyone was out to get me. But I know that that's just they way they are. I got so offended and upset over the tiniest things. Could it have been because of my lack of nicotine? Or do I need to take some hormonal drugs to make me normal? Is this like a post-puberty thing or what? I'm going to blow up now.