Brooke (littertraining) wrote,

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Shit, Yo

My day didn't turn out so bad. I went to work at 4:00 and then Rachel and Kristine came to visit me at 7:20. We played until I clocked out at 8:00 so we could go on a picnic with Caleb and Mike Malm. We got our food at an Asian grocery store, which was pretty fun because I'd never been to one before. Rachel had to tell me what a lot of things were because some of the food wasn't in English- no, Rachel can't speak Hmong or anything, but she just knows stuff. So then we all went to Oak Island to have our picnic and a lot of people showed up. Eric Tillman, who just came back into town for good probably (big surprise) and his friend Andy, along with Greg Groshan, Andy (some chick that I don't like), and her boyfriend Mark. I had a good time. It was kind of weird because I'd always remembered Mike Malm as kind of a fuck-up, but he's a pretty cool guy! He likes David Bowie!!! I took him home since he lives right by me and he let me borrow Velvet Goldmine, the movie, along with the soundtrack with David Bowie covers. Yeah, I think I like that kid.
The night was going great, I didn't see Aaron at all and we talked only briefly on the phone- he said he had stuff to do and whatever. But when I was driving Caleb home, I saw him walking with two girls down by Scott's Street. I honked and he talked to us for a bit. He introduced us to these girls that he apparently just met, I was introduced as Brooke. Ok, so I know that's my name and everything but it sounded like I was so insignificant to him. We wouldn't want these girls to think that Aaron wasn't single now would we? Why does this bother me?? I'm making him too much a part of me. I'm really not ready for a relationship. I think I'm just going to pretend that I'm not in one- I'm not going to flirt or be with other guys, I'm just not going to let Aaron matter to me because I really don't want to end it, I think I have a lot to learn from it. I just need Aaron to not be a big part of my life, and I need to not hang out with him, or even see him everyday. Maybe it'll all work out. I hope it does before I go crazy and shave my head or something.
I'm very awake right now, I feel like I should be out doing stuff still. I think I'll watch that movie, and play some bass. Maybe I'll take a little ephidrine- hell why not, I don't have to work tomorrow! I didn't smoke at all yesterday or the day before, but tonight I shared a cigarette with Mike after I saw Aaron. God, I hate that I can't take control of my emotions better! I mean, I get jealous, or mad for stupid reasons, and I know they're stupid, but I still can't control the way that I feel! It pisses me off! Yesterday I got really upset over the stupidest things. Aaron and I went to Dan's house and watched a movie- and this is a reason why I know that it's me that has the problem, I was getting pissed off at Dan too, always arguing, I felt like everyone was out to get me. But I know that that's just they way they are. I got so offended and upset over the tiniest things. Could it have been because of my lack of nicotine? Or do I need to take some hormonal drugs to make me normal? Is this like a post-puberty thing or what? I'm going to blow up now.
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