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Saturday, July 19th, 2003
2:05 am - I'm so sad and lonely, (sad and lonely sad and lonely)
Aaron broke up with me last week Wednsday. I was horribly upset. But then something cool happend, I was at Scott Street and the bartender was really cute. I got his number. He's going to call me on Sunday. I hope things go well. I really think he'll be cool.

current mood: awake

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Monday, August 5th, 2002
2:21 am - Here I go again on my own
Wow, it's been a while. And I'm still up to those same shenanigans and goings on. Like for instance, I wanted to get a hold of Aaron tonight, so I called him 50 badgillian times and then proceeded to go over to his house and yell in his window (since he started locking the doors, he's just getting to smart for me) I started calling him around 11:00, a decent hour, he should still be awake, and if he isn't, Rachel would be up. But then I stayed at his house until 2:00am, most psychotic of me, but it's in my crazy genes, I can't help it. He never woke up, if he was ever at home at all. His cars were there and so was Rachels- I figured one of them would wake up. Then I thought about how Aaron said he was going to pick up his motorcycle, and then I thought that it killed them while they were out riding. I kept getting myself wound up. So finally, I went to my house, got the scotch and am now in the process of getting drunk, (thus the reason why I'm ranting on the computer).
On top of that I feel like a pile of shit because I had any contact with JW, piece of shit he is. I wish I had never met him, he just doesn't go away. (that's probably what Aaron's saying about me) I wonder if Aaron was home and he just didn't want to deal with me. Wow, that would really suck, even though I did set myself up for it. But not really, he was the one that slept with me last night. OK, so it takes two to tango, but still he knew that I was probably going to feel like shit the next day, he could at least try to talk to me.
So I went to Michael's, my place of employment, to take Jay out for dinner for his 28th birthday because I was feeling nice, and kind of obligated. Anyway, we took Elijah and the whole time he was annoying the shit out of me, while Jay was just on morphine and hardly spoke. I felt so stupid, we made them have our dinner in to go boxes and we left. I felt like a moron and never want to see him in my entire life. I don't want anything to do with him. He's a creepy old man. I need another shot. Ewww, my palate is not used to scotch. Not too fond of the taste.
Sara and I were talking today, and she wants to leave Jonah- still. I'm just trying so hard to get her out of that house so she can go to school and make something of herself. She's thinking about moving in with her parents. I hope she does, she needs a huge boost. It's kind of making me excited though, I told Sara that I thought that she and Jonah wouldn't be together right now if they hadn't lived with each other.
I am so totally and completely in love with Aaron. Why the fuck can't I get over him? Grrrrr!!! Does he just have to be that asshole that I want to be with until he kills me? I think that's the only way, if he kills me I'll get over him. Or maybe if I kill him, I'll get over him. Can't be in love with a dead guy, right?
I just called Sarah Hirsch, that was embarrasing, I'm getting a little drunk right now. Holy shit. What a life I live, I'm such a poor pathetic loser, I should just do myself in right now.

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Saturday, December 15th, 2001
11:16 am
I don't know why, but everything seems so oblivious and unimportant. I've been pretty emotional for quite some time. It's like I'm really sad but don't have a reason to be. My life should be at it's full right now. It's the end of the semester, I get a month off of school, Aaron's being really nice and he's been putting up with a lot- constant emotional outbursts, and I'm going to have more time to hang out with Sarah Hirsch. I mean, yeah, I hardly have any money, and I still have to study for finals, and Mike doesn't ever talk to me and I think he moved to a different state- which seems ok because whenever he did talk to me, he wasn't very friendly, pretty much he was a Jackass and he has stupid, angry, radical, hypocritical ideas. I'm really upset with him- I don't know why I should be, he has no obligations towards talking to me. I guess I just wish we'd be ok with eachother- in aquantance settings. Aaron and I might be going on a week long trip together over spring break or something- that should be fun, I hope I can get over my emotional retardidness.

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11:08 am
I try to be a good girlfriend, a good daughter, a good student, a good citizen, but for what? I'm a fucking commodity!!! I am the epitome of what this society feeds off of. This society, which I despise is the only thing that makes me worth something.

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Thursday, September 27th, 2001
12:43 pm - kittens...
My kitty died yesterday. It was so sad! She was only 15 years old and she died from kidney failure. She was such a cute little fluff ball!! But I'll get over it. It was so sad seeing her lying underneath the victrola trying to cry, but all that would come out was a weak sound like a duck. Her leg was twitching for a long time. It was so hard watching her suffer!
Enough sad stuff! I did very well on my Anthropology test today! Aaron stopped by work, but he didn't say hi to me or anything. What a brat! If he doesn't want to try to be my friend, I'm not going to bother with trying to be his. I have to go to class now. My neighbor and I carpooled to school today so I'm not going to waste as much gas as I usually would!

current mood: accomplished

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Tuesday, September 25th, 2001
12:24 pm - Floating Along.....
I'm at school right now, and I'm very bored. I should be doing lots of homework right now, but I don't want to. Aaron and I broke up for good a week and a half ago. And he's been a slut ever since. But the gross thing is these girls aren't even cute! And they probably have 10 badgillian STDs. Which means that this girl's never going to sleep with him again. Unless I get drunk, really drunk and Dan and Caleb and one of Aaron's whores aren't there. But I'll never be in that situation- I won't let myself. Ah, time to go outside soon. I love outside. Outside is cold and calming usually accompanied by a cigarette or two.
I'm doing some neat sporatic things lately. Like getting drunk spur of the moment and getting some guys that I just met at the bar to come over to Dan's house. It's way fun. I'm enjoying my time- walking. I missed school yesterday because I slept in. It made me feel crappy, but we didn't do anything important. I felt like my day was a waste.

current mood: translated-don't ask

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Wednesday, September 12th, 2001
11:19 pm - Jesus H. Christ in a loving mother fucking chicken basket!!!!!
So the world's ending, how's everyone doing? I heard on the radio that the people responsible for the terrorism will be punished. Yes, give them a good spanking and send them to their rooms without supper. I think 'punished' is an understatement. We could go into a third world war! I was arguing with Aaron about this last night. He doesn't believe in fighting for this because of it's cause. I could understand not wanting to fight, but being attacked by another country isn't cause enough? Not saying that this was another country, but I'll be damned if it isn't- So yes, I am saying it's another country. Anyway, aparently I was talking down to him and I pushed buttons and we're not talking and are probably broken up. That's the least of my worries, I'm way too preoccupied with this whole ordeal than to even think about my social life. Aaron goes about this as if it doesn't affect him! "Yeah, well sucks to be those people in New York and Washington." Does he not get it? It directly affects all of us! I'm still in shock- I don't know what I'm writing about, not that it really matters- thousands and thousands of people were killed yesterday! In this country! In very important buildings! I was glued to the TV yesterday- and it didn't matter that they were showing the same footage over and over again, it was like I had to watch it for another five hours and maybe then things will soak in! I keep on drifting in and out of reality. Things will be fine and I'll forget that this happend and the next second I'm just paralysed by it, what's going to happen? I'm kind of scared. This goes completely against my Conservativeness and I demand that it didn't happen! Go back and just erase it!!! I can't deal with this kind of change! I have a hard enough time changing schools and boyfriends! Besides some gas stations being without gas and everyone talking about it, it seems like nothing has changed. Just wait....

current mood: shocked

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Tuesday, August 28th, 2001
4:37 pm
Why did I do this to myself? I feel like such an idiot! How long have I been complaining about Aaron? And I still haven't gotten rid of him! I put so much into that relationship and he treated me like shit! God I hate him! I hate myself, I can't believe I let him do that to me! I will never do anything for anybody ever again! It's all going to be for myself, just like that stupid prick of a boy that I'm dating- but then again I really don't know if I am anymore. What a fucking jerk!! Is it wrong of me to want a little appreciation, or to be touched just once every day that I see my significant other, or to not be bitched at every time I try to talk to him? Or to get anything nice out of the relationship? Every time I try talking to him about it he's a complete ass, he's cocky and starts telling me that I'm over emotional and too clingy! Fuck him! Just because I don't want to be ignored constantly and want just a little attention once and a while means that I'm clingy? If he's going to call me and invite me to come over I expect to be somewhat entertained- isn't that what a good host does? Not him- I walk in the door and he's busy with something else immediatly. He tells me that he wants to see me but he needs space. I think that's a lot of bullshit- I think that he wants me to dump him so he doesn't look like the bad guy. Well, I'm not calling him- I'm not going over to his house, I don't want to look at him- he can have all the space he needs because I'm gone. But I'm going to get him back for being such a cocky egotistical asshole!

current mood: enraged

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Wednesday, August 22nd, 2001
2:52 am - The last show ever...
Yeah, I heard that it was Rockwater's last show on the news today! OHMYGOD! And everyone that's on the Rockwater's mailing list is going to know and probably see the show- WOW! I really hope Aaron can play- or Steve anyway. Aaron doesn't think that they're ready for it at all, and Steve's dad's voice box is being taken out because of throat cancer, that's so sad and scary. I feel so bad for him, and I hear Steve's not doing so well with it either. I'm not going to smoke anymore, at least not around Steve... We really should have practiced tonight but I didn't see that Dan called until I got home at 2:15, and Aaron was practicing at Steve's which meant that my bass wasn't available. I'm so nervous! I don't know if I'm going to be able to play that Subhuman's song. I was talking to Aaron about it and he was telling me that he should take a look at it for me. But there's nothing he can do about it- I know how it goes, I know different ways that I can play it, I just can't get it up to tempo. He kept on insisting that I needed to be taught something- that's not it, I just don't have the skill to play that fast yet. I think I'll take some ephidrine before the show, that tends to make me a better musician, and a faster one! It's kind of funny, you'd think that the Rockwater's last show should be a tribute to them or something- like 'we love Jesus and we love to spread the word,' but this show is going to be all about, 'this is the reason why you went out of business, you stupid mother fuckers.'
My cat insists on being as close to me as he can- like on the keyboard! Get out of my way!! I helped Aaron clean up the house a little today. I scrubbed up the bathroom window- but there's still plenty of work that needs to be done to the house. I still can't believe that they got that house! It's frickin crazy! After we did that we went to Annie's and I saw Sara Stachowiak, and Molly there. They really didn't have much to say. And then Sarah Hirsch and Sandy stopped in. So I hung out with them when Aaron went to practice- that boy is going to blow up, he doesn't get nearly enough sleep to be alive. Sarah and Sandy are going to South Carolina tomorrow at 6:00 am. I hope everything goes well for them. I'm watching Sandy's cat while there gone, even though her roommate, Michelle, will be at home. I went out for coffe with Michelle when the two went to sleep. Poor girl, she has so many problems... It makes me depressed talking to her.
Ahh! There's so much going on! With the show, Aaron moving in, school starting.... OK so that's not all that much, but enough for me to get all crazy. I'm so excited! Jesus H. Christ in a chicken basket!!!

current mood: ecstatic

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Tuesday, August 21st, 2001
12:31 am - Man that bass riff is fast!!
Yeah, so that Subhumans' song that we ARE going to play is kind of- difficult. But I'm so determined to get it, I'll be terribly disappointed in myself if I don't get it up to tempo by the show!
I did a photo shoot with my mom today, we did someone's kids. It was pretty fun, but kind of early. I had a strange dream this morning- Dan and Aaron and I were driving through the jungle in Africa. We almost hit a huge pregnant deer! And then Dan says, "Well, at least it wasn't those damn ostriches," and then a flock of ostriches ran in front of the car and we barely missed them. Then we went down into this secret cave with an underground waterfall. It was way cool and we were all amazed that we discovered it. So we had to take brochures from the tourist shop to prove to our friends that we discovered it. (It made perfect sense at the time)
I trained a new guy at work today. His name is TJ, he's 20, so we gabbed it up and I told him about our show at the Rockwater and he said, "That sounds really cool, I'll have to talk to my wife about it." That was kind of a step-back statement. He said he was going to bring a crowd to the show. I hung out with the bartender, Jordan today when I was bored at work, and he says that he's going to bring a crowd too! I talked to Aaron and he said that he might not be playing the show anymore because Steve's dad is in the hospital!! It sounds kind of serious!
After work I went to Annies and saw Eric Tillman, Kara Marten, and my sister there, and then Sarah Hirsch came by with Sandy Trempe. We all had a wonderful time. It was getting late and I told Aaron that I would stop by Steve's house, but I didn't because I thought it was too late. So I decided that I would stop by his house and see if he was there. He wasn't, so I waited 15 minutes in my van until he got home. I just wanted to talk to him- and appoligize for not going out to Steve's.- I thought it would be a pleasant surprise. But, you know Aaron, the first thing he said was, "Why didn't you wait inside?" Granted it was late and he had to get up early, he brushed me off and went to bed as soon as he got in the door. This should bother me, or at least it would've had I not gone through this a badgillian times before and wasn't kind of expecting it. I've learned to accept this from him- even though it pisses me off that I told him exactly how I felt like I was being treated two nights before. He didn't even say anything to what I had to tell him, it was like he was ignoring me talking about how I don't like to be ignored. But what can you do? I'll accept it now, but if it becomes an issue, I'll be forced to give him the boot.

current mood: translated

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Wednesday, August 15th, 2001
12:19 am
Dan's probably still at Caleb's house, I wish I was still there, I want something more to do... Oh well, I'm already home. I finally talked to Aaron about how I feel insignificant to him, and about those chicks last night and why he introduced me as 'Brooke.' He told me that he hadn't met anyone for a long time that he wanted to hang out with every night until he met me.- I think I missed something, but what did that have anything to do with what I was saying to him? When I asked about the girls he said, "Brooke, it's not like we're a secret!" What's that suposed to mean? I don't get it, seriously!! I told him that I was sorry that I was acting weird, and not telling him anything when something was up.
I don't think he's going to change, which makes me feel sorry for the next fool that dates him. I just have to drill things in his head, that way if we break up anytime soon, I'll still feel like I've accomplished something. That sounds kind of weird! What the hell, Brooke, you are one fucked-up person. Yeah, maybe I should still be seeing that Therapist... No, I think I'm past that, I need a shrink! Maybe I have this weird hormonal imbalance and everything has to be just right and if it isnt I go crazy and start doing dumb things. Am I extremely self-depricating? Or am I just being honest with myself? Am I too wrapped up in myself? Or am I just trying to be a better person? You think one would know themselves better than anyone else, but I doubt that's the case with me, if it is, man, I'm sorry for being so fucking confusing all the time.

current mood: indescribable

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Monday, August 13th, 2001
11:50 pm - Shit, Yo
My day didn't turn out so bad. I went to work at 4:00 and then Rachel and Kristine came to visit me at 7:20. We played until I clocked out at 8:00 so we could go on a picnic with Caleb and Mike Malm. We got our food at an Asian grocery store, which was pretty fun because I'd never been to one before. Rachel had to tell me what a lot of things were because some of the food wasn't in English- no, Rachel can't speak Hmong or anything, but she just knows stuff. So then we all went to Oak Island to have our picnic and a lot of people showed up. Eric Tillman, who just came back into town for good probably (big surprise) and his friend Andy, along with Greg Groshan, Andy (some chick that I don't like), and her boyfriend Mark. I had a good time. It was kind of weird because I'd always remembered Mike Malm as kind of a fuck-up, but he's a pretty cool guy! He likes David Bowie!!! I took him home since he lives right by me and he let me borrow Velvet Goldmine, the movie, along with the soundtrack with David Bowie covers. Yeah, I think I like that kid.
The night was going great, I didn't see Aaron at all and we talked only briefly on the phone- he said he had stuff to do and whatever. But when I was driving Caleb home, I saw him walking with two girls down by Scott's Street. I honked and he talked to us for a bit. He introduced us to these girls that he apparently just met, I was introduced as Brooke. Ok, so I know that's my name and everything but it sounded like I was so insignificant to him. We wouldn't want these girls to think that Aaron wasn't single now would we? Why does this bother me?? I'm making him too much a part of me. I'm really not ready for a relationship. I think I'm just going to pretend that I'm not in one- I'm not going to flirt or be with other guys, I'm just not going to let Aaron matter to me because I really don't want to end it, I think I have a lot to learn from it. I just need Aaron to not be a big part of my life, and I need to not hang out with him, or even see him everyday. Maybe it'll all work out. I hope it does before I go crazy and shave my head or something.
I'm very awake right now, I feel like I should be out doing stuff still. I think I'll watch that movie, and play some bass. Maybe I'll take a little ephidrine- hell why not, I don't have to work tomorrow! I didn't smoke at all yesterday or the day before, but tonight I shared a cigarette with Mike after I saw Aaron. God, I hate that I can't take control of my emotions better! I mean, I get jealous, or mad for stupid reasons, and I know they're stupid, but I still can't control the way that I feel! It pisses me off! Yesterday I got really upset over the stupidest things. Aaron and I went to Dan's house and watched a movie- and this is a reason why I know that it's me that has the problem, I was getting pissed off at Dan too, always arguing, I felt like everyone was out to get me. But I know that that's just they way they are. I got so offended and upset over the tiniest things. Could it have been because of my lack of nicotine? Or do I need to take some hormonal drugs to make me normal? Is this like a post-puberty thing or what? I'm going to blow up now.

current mood: confused

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Friday, August 3rd, 2001
11:02 pm - It could get worse....
This has been kind of depressing week for me. Work was so bad today! Customers were complaining out of their asses and I had so much running around to do! In the midst of all of this Aaron calls me at work and tells me that he didn't remember me saying that I worked today- which kind of tells me that he's not listening to me at all because I must of told him 5 million times! But maybe I'm just blowing things out of proportion. But then he talks and talks and tells me that he's going to be out and about, going to see his friends and people that he hasn't seen much of lately. I told him I'd try to get done at 10:30 tonight, which I did, and he said that he didn't know where he was going to be, but he'll definatly be home by 2:00. That's all fine and dany, but I have my college placement test tomorrow at 9:00 in the frickin morning. So I asked him if he could give me a call at the Park Inn at 10:30. "Well, I can't do that because I might not be around a phone." Well Fuckhead, how hard is it to be around a phone close to or before 10:30? What, is he planning to go on a hiking trip in the freaking Congo? With people that don't have cell phones? Grrr... I made sure that I sounded especially sad on the phone, remembering the conversation that we had the night before about guys that never buy flowers or open doors and such. Thinking, hmm, maybe, just maybe he'll call me or stop in for a visit or do something kind of sort of nice for a flipping change! But, silly me, I shouldn't expect so much from him.
Did I mention that I have PMS? Maybe that's my reason for being so depressed and demanding. I wanted to call Dan today, but there were so many things to do so I didn't remember to call him until 9:15, and then I didn't know where to call him. I want to have band practice tomorrow, but Caleb is busy or something and I talked to James Wurdeman tonight while I was buying groceries and it sounds like Dan's going to Madison with him. We need to practice more!!!
Last night I had a dream about Aaron. I dreamt that I was at someone's house and he drove up to it and then drove away. I woke up pissed at him. I think I'm mad at Aaron a lot. But I'm not sure if they're legitimate reasons to get mad at someone. If they are, I should probably talk to him about it- maybe that's my problem, I play too many stupid mind games, I'm trying to cut back but I think that's just how I am. I don't tell him if there's a problem, I just change my tone of voice, mope a bit, and make sure that he knows he did something wrong. But when he asks me about it, I don't really tell him. Then again half the time I don't really know why I'm mad at him. Maybe that's it for me, I'll never have a normal relationship ever, and I'll die an old lonely cat lady with a hunch back! I know that I get mad or maybe jealous when he's around Amanda Marcot. Well the thing is, I know that they've had sex- and while that's enough to get me going, he hangs out with her. He says she's a really cool chick and when they're together he'll make some comment like, "Looks like you need some roughing up" and then he'll do his normal 'wrestling' thing or whatever. OK, so I know that he does that with pretty much everyone- especially girls, but with her it bothers me because I know where that has lead to in the past!
I give up!

current mood: distressed

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Thursday, August 2nd, 2001
2:22 am
Today was a really bad bad day! So first I go shopping with my sister and buy myself $40 worth of clothes which were really cool and all but I don't have that much money to be throwing around so I kind of felt like crap after that. I've also been feeling like crap because Kate left and it just clicked for me that she's not coming back- again. I wish I would have done something more with her- something spectacular that would make her remember her visit as a whole lot of fun.
THEN on my way to work today I got pulled over for going 17 mph over the speed limit. OK, so I shouldn't have been speeding that much, but I needed momentum to get over that huge hill on hwy kk, otherwise my van doesn't like me. The cop was a jerk, and was really fast about it too, I didn't have any time to cry or flirt or give a really good excuse. He gave me a $150 ticket and a warning for not having a front license plate. I hate him. But probably I should just blame myself since I don't feel bad enough already.
Another thing that made me feel really shitty- and I mean this tops it, was that I was supposed to go to Aaron's band practice but then he called me at work and told me that he was at Tim's and didn't know if they would have practice or not. So I go over to Tim's after work and Aaron had left for practice already, so I went out to Steve's whos house he was at (across town might I add) and tried to go inside like I always did but the door was locked. Well, I couldn't knock and wake up his parents, and since they were all being loud and stuff in the basement they wouldn't hear me. So I left and went back to Tim's, where I call my friend Sarah so I could do something fun. Sarah comes over to Tim's house but she brings like 3 other people with her and since no one who lived at Tim's was at home it was an overall bad idea. So I was just rearing up the crowd to go somewhere else when Nate came upstairs and said that he didn't mean to be an ass or anything but their isn't anyone home who lives there. Well I felt like a complete bitch even though I was getting everyone to leave anyway. And I still feel really bad about it because I don't know Nate that well and I didn't want to give him the impression that I was like that. I'm just stressed. And I didn't see Aaron or talk to him at all so that made me kind of sad because he might have listened and cared about my sap story but maybe not. Sarah made me feel better though. We went to Sandy's house and talked and played in the closet. I sure love that girl and would love to get a house with her someday.
I told my boss that I would work tomorrow morning at 9:00, but I don't think that's going to happen because I can't get to sleep. I wish Kate was still in town. Sarah and I are going to live in a closet together for the rest of our lives, away from everyone and everything. But we'll put a TV in there, and probably a computer, and playstation, but that's it! (besides a fridge, toilet, shower, sink... that whole deal) I think I'll go cry myself to sleep now.

current mood: depressed

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Thursday, July 26th, 2001
1:46 am - Poison ivy can kiss my ass, not literally though
Godamnit my toe itches like a mother fucker! I think it's because the poison ivy is in my sandals that I just started wearing recently- should remember to wash those someday...
Today I worked my bottom off! I took some epherdrine before work, and then it wore off so I took some more during work. My muscles ache! I worked with Aaron today which sucked because even though it's nice to have him working with me, after his carpentry job is done he's beat and can't work very well. But, I got some excersise.
And then I met up with Sara Hirsch at Annie's and we saw Adam Doede there. I think he gives me the creeps. He's a nice boy and he's attractive but he acts like he still wants to get in my pants. Just the way he looks at me kind of makes me uncomfortable, but it wouldn't if I wasn't seeing anyone. Probably if I wasn't seeing anyone I'd be all over him. But I like Aaron and I don't want to mess anything up with him by fooling around with someone else. I've got a lot of respect for the guy, and I'm very satisfied with him. One man is enough for me.

current mood: bouncy

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Tuesday, July 24th, 2001
5:28 pm - We are all just prisoners here, of our own device
Last night I went to this house that Aaron wants. We took a look around and it looked pretty cool. There were so many closets and so much closet space! A lady's dream house. The upstairs bathroom had a lot of room in it too, I figured it was for dancing after you get out of the shower. I hope Dan likes it, and I hope they get it. I made some more cookies today, maybe I'll give them to Dan. They're especially good, I made them with white sugar, brown sugar, and a whole lot of love. I can't wait to see Kate!!!!! I'm going to meet her at the airport, I miss her so much, it's going to be so great!!!!!
Yesterday I went to Eau Claire Dells with Sara Stachowiak. All she talks about is Jonah, how she's a viegand and guitar. It's weird because even though it seems like she's changed so much, she really hasn't. She gets involved in boys way too fast and too much and well, what can I say?
Aaron just called, like with in the last minute. I guess I'm going to take pictures of the band tonight while they practice. It should be a blast!

current mood: artistic

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Friday, July 20th, 2001
2:24 pm - What a trip!
Wow, I just got back from the UP yesterday. That was a blast and a half! Dan got drunk!!! I think we bonded. We talked and talked, and though I don't remember all that we talked about I do remember the guitar song that he taught me. We camped out right by the beach, it was beautiful, until when it started to downpour in the middle of the night. It was a very fun trip. I like Aaron a whole bunch.
Last night when we were just hanging out at his house, he got a call from Ricki, and she was hysterical so Aaron had to go rescue her or something. I wasn't mad at him, I was just mad at the situation. He called me up today and apoligized for it, even though he really didn't have to. He's a real nice boy. He finally got a full-time job! He's going to work as a carpenter and that means that Dan and him get to move in to a house! Hip Horay! My two favorite boys (besides Caleb of course) get to move in to the same house. And it's not going to be yucky and dirty and it's going to be big, and smelly gross people won't hang out there and I'm just happy for them. I want to bake some cookies for them (And not because I'm mad at them, Dan) Oh and also, just to clear this up, I don't want to date Joe Lipsomb- I was just drunk and my options were slim. I repeat, I do not want to date Joe Lipscomb! Aaron's a wonderful beautiful person and I don't have anything against him.

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Tuesday, July 17th, 2001
1:14 am - Why must I be so blond?!
So today I was eating ice cream when Aaron came to pick me up from work. He was early, for a change and I wanted to save my ice cream so I put it in the freezer for later. Tonight I come home ready to eat some ice cream so I grab my bowl full of ice cream and spoon out of the freezer and put it in my mouth. Yes it was a metal spoon, and when I ripped it out of my mouth I left behind a chunk of skin on the spoon. Way to go me.
I'm going to the UP tomorrow with Dan, Aaron, Kyle, Kristine and maybe Caleb. We won't be back until Thursday. Whoopee!! I think I like Aaron a lot more today than the day before yesterday. I could learn a lot about relationships with him, he's teaching me patience, tolerance, and independence (somewhat). I think I'm going to have some fun with this boy. So Caleb has a cat now. He was watching this kitty for his friend Andi and she said that she can't take him back because her mom won't let her. So Caleb has a kitty. He's adorable.
I turned all of my stuff in for school today. I'm really excited to go!! I have direction.

current mood: ditzy

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Monday, July 16th, 2001
2:21 am - testing....
this is just a test, I want to know if I know how this works

current mood: sad

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1:48 am - well, I got drunk by myself again, but this time I'm sad.....
I'm just so sad! I don't know exactly what it is but it sucks. My friend Rachel told me that her sister told her that this girl that is an ex of the guy that I'm dating has an STD. And maybe I'm just dumb or something but that really bothers me. No I'm not dumb, that should bother me, I'm getting tested on Friday no matter what. But maybe that's not why I'm so sad. Maybe it's because Aaron (the guy that I'm seeing) wanted to walk to his car and didn't want a ride at all. I wasted a lot of gas today driving everywhere to a place that I didn't want to be in the first place, Amanda's house. But anyway, Rachel told me this and Kristine, my other good friend who slept with a guy (another guy that I slept with) who also slept with that same girl whilest we were at Amanda's house. So of course we were conversing amungst eachother. Aaron and I were having a good night- so I thought, he paid attention to me, and we went out to dinner before this. But when he was ready to leave, he wanted to walk to his car and I acted as though I really would have liked to drive him to his car- because I was wearing sexy pants and a sexy shirt for him so I figured that he wanted to... I don't know. But he just really wanted to walk to his car. I wonder what he had to think about. Because usually when I walk it's because I have things to think about. I work with him tomorrow, maybe I'll get answers then.

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